Mcphee Lawyers


23 September 2015

Fake it until you make it: Building a cooperative relationship with your ex


I read a great article in the Guardian recently about a woman’s journey to a cooperative relationship with the father of her daughter who was 3 at the time that they separated (the daughter that is, not the father). She offered a great insight into how to move past the emotions and dissimulation of separation to a state of grace in parental relationships.

In short, she received advice from a colleague at work that she should never say anything bad about her daughters’ father to her daughter or make negative statements about him in her hearing, even if she had to bite her lip until it bled. She followed that like a commandment. It worked- as she worked hard on being polite and responsive, the relationship improved and a real post separation friendship developed that benefited the whole family.

She was lucky to receive the advice and lucky she had the courage to follow it.

The article makes an interesting read – if you’re interested you can read it here How to be friends with your ex: just bite your lip – by Katie Roiphe

As Lawrence Durrell (not the animal lover, but his brother) wrote:

‘One must begin by pretending in order to end by realising. …. Habit is very powerful. One day you will become what you mime. The parody of goodness can make you really good.’

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